I'll start giving more hugs
I've gotta break my "tough love" approach because it's making me feel like a bad mom. So I read an article the other day in Motherly (linked below) titled "Shaming a Child for Behavior Doesn't Work - Here's What Does", absolutely shook me to the core.
Before I get into what I took away from the article - I just want to say that I'm not bashing anyone on how they raise their children and/or I'm not bashing the way I was brought up. My parents never laid their hands on me - were they perfect? Absolutely not, but who is?! They did their best and I'm just a mom trying to do my best.
I was raised in a way to believe as a parent I should be strict in order to have 'obedient' children. Spare the rod, spoil the child, right? However, this article goes into research on how high expectations and low responsiveness - an authoritarian type of parenting might work in the short-term but have seen challenges long-term..
T Harshly disciplined children tend to be less happy, less independent, LESS CONFIDENT, less resilient, MORE AGGRESSIVE and hostile, more fearful, and at HIGHER RISK for substance abuse and mental health issues as adults and adolescents...
"We do not need to punish our kids to teach them a lesson, just as we don't need to be punished in order to shift our behavior." They learn through our modeling, connection, love, compassion, being seen/heard/understood, and guidance. The next time they are having a difficult time, get down to their level and give them a hug.
So now it's on me to break the cycle. I need to step up and be a better model to my children in order for them to not be another statistic.